Years before I turned to writing as a career path, I remember when I first moved to Los Angeles and I immediately began attending FIDM as a Fashion Design major and I was mortified at the idea of sharing my creative work with my peers and my teachers. It was a vulnerability that felt paralyzing, causing me to hold back my authenticity in my work for the sake of protecting my heart and my ego from criticism on work product that was dear to me. I wasn’t the only student with this problem, and I’m definitely not the only artist that has had this experience. As time went on, the rigid parameters of needing to protect myself from criticism began to slowly crack and fall away.
Now, as a writer, the creative flow has been a different experience than design had been in the past. Writing feels like a channeling experience, which I’ve found to be spiritual as well, and with that comes a sense of urgency for the information to be shared. Each day of writing felt like chasing a story that was a few steps ahead. It was close enough to me for me to be excited about the story, but far enough ahead to make sure I kept up the pace in order to get all of the information down on paper. The end of each day felt like my brain would implode if I didn’t stop after 8-10 hours of writing in order to decompress by doing something else.
As I went through the writing process for this first novel, it was apparent that the desire to share the project was far greater than any fear tied to the intent to withhold it from scrutinizing eyes. I wanted to chase the story because it was interesting to me, and I hoped that there was the possibility that someone else might feel the same way. Even if no one did, there was unquestionable certainty driving my productivity, pushing the writing project to completion. I don’t know if this is a result of time/maturity, of clarity of purpose, or a combination of both, but it is resulting in finishing a significant project and sharing it with the world. Since that’s the case, I feel no need to question the process. I simply do my best to keep up with it.